


The Death of Me

by Kaerue



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Arranged Marriage, Austria and Prussia power struggle, Austria please just put the quill where it goes, Desperation, Dubcon Kissing, Longing, M/M, Prussia is a moody boy, Romance, ink is expensive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-13 06:47:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29647380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaerue/pseuds/Kaerue
Summary: The Holy Roman Empire is obligated to marry Austria, but has fallen for a feisty red-eyed nation instead. This will truly be the death of him.
Relationships: Austria/Holy Roman Empire (Hetalia), Holy Roman Empire/Prussia (Hetalia)
Kudos: 3





	The Death of Me

He should really stop setting the quill in the ink bottle like that. It’ll spill. Ink is expensive, you know? But I’m sure he doesn’t care. When you have as much money as he does, spilt ink is the least of your worries. I reach over and take the quill out of the bottle, tap it on the mouth of the inkwell, and put it in its rightful place. Roderich watches me do this and smiles.   
“Does it really bother you that much?” I cross my legs and look up at him from across the desk.   
“Yes, and you know I will fix it every time.”   
“It won’t spill.”   
“One day it will. It is better to do it correctly rather than lazily and reap the repercussions later.” He playfully rolls his eyes and walks over to my side of the desk, sitting on the edge of it.   
“It’s only ink, Wolfgang.” Ha. Only. I shrug and look back down at the reason I am here. A marriage arrangement. My marriage arrangement. It only needs my signature and it will be complete. Legal. Binding.   
“Wolfgang.” I look up at Roderich. “If you need more time to think about this you can ask for it. I will not make you sign this right now.” I know he is trying to help, trying to be nice about this. But the truth is I do not have a choice. His king has evidently become my emperor and in that merge we too have to ‘become one’ essentially and what better way to do that than through marriage?  
Although, we have shared this one person as both our rulers for a while now. A couple of generations at least. They just wish we act like it, and believe a document and some marriage obligations will do the trick. Not to mention it’ll bind me tightly to Austria, giving him an extra boost amongst the other German states. . . like he needs it.   
“You know I do not have a choice in this.” My smile fades and I reach out, taking the quill in my hand once more. All I have to do is dip it in the bottle, sign my name and I can be done. . . Just reach over, dip and sign. Not a hard maneuver. Come on. Come on. It is really not that difficult.   
Roderich takes the quill out of my hand and sets it in the bottle of ink.   
“I know why you hesitate, you. . . I-I know that you may not care for me romantically but. . . you know you are not obligated to love me, right? This is just a union.” Emotion marks his voice and his speech. My hesitance must be hurting him. I sigh and take the quill out of the bottle, bring it over to the document and sloppy sign my name with too much ink. I put the quill back in the inkwell.   
Fuck doing it right.   
I stand and he senses my anger. Well of course I am upset, he has the nerve to be hurt when I lose everything from this and he gains all.   
“Please, Holy Rome, be sensible about this.” I furrow my eyebrows at him and tighten my jaw.   
“Sensible?” He swallows nervously and sinks a little into himself. I relax my face and look away.   
He’s right. I should not be angry about this. It is my duty as an Empire to do what is right for my people. I cannot let my own personal desires stand in the way. He sees my change in mood and visibly becomes more comfortable. I take the quill a final time and place it in its rightful spot. He smiles.   
“Are you going to make me participate in a ceremony like the humans? Or is this enough for you?” I ask.   
“This is fine. We already have enough ceremonial obligations that I’m sure will be difficult for you.” He stands as well and offers his arm to me. I sigh and take it.  
We walk out of the study, arms linked like children, and head down the hall to the mouth of the stairs. As we walk up to them my thoughts become flooded with what my signature on that paper means. I am literally married to Roderich. It means I can no longer claim to be solely autonomous, I must make decisions about my empire with Roderich. It means that I am required (at least tonight) to consummate this and possibly give him access to my body at other times. It means I must live here. . . Though that one doesn’t bother me much. Really the greatest loss for me is the inability to be with the one I truly love. It is true that we have been drifting apart, but that doesn’t mean I love him any less. Quite the contrary. I have never yearned more for something in my entire life.  
We stop before his bedroom and he gives me what I guess he would describe as a sultry look. I lift an eyebrow and he blushes.   
I’ve done this before you know. Having to be intimate with someone when I don’t particularly want to. I’m not nervous or scared or anything. I’ve been alive for nearly one thousand years, I’ve had my fair share of all this.   
The first thing I notice in the large bedroom is Elizaveta standing in the corner. Will she be here the entire time? I turn to Roderich.  
“She will be here?”   
“Yes. I trust her as witness.”   
“Do we really need a witness? It is not like you or I are going to end up pregnant from this.”   
“Well,” he begins looking away from me and toward the bed, “you could take it up with the Emperor.”   
Like I would approach him about matters like this. Unlike those elected to emperor in the past, I am not very close to this one. I’ll just deal with the head maid standing in the corner.  
“If it means so much to you that she witness this so be it.”   
Roderich begins undressing himself and a weird pang of. . . dread? Washes through me. Now that is new. It’s not like I am particularly repulsed by him, I just remember him (and her) as children. I’ve known them both for hundreds of years, and to do this with him while she watches feels weird because well. . . In a way I raised them.   
Then again, the love of my life was a very small child when I first took him under my wing. I essentially created his kingdom and chose him as the personification. He was younger, even, than Eliza and Roderich, and I can most definitely say that I raised him. Yet I was still able to fall in love with him.   
Roderich walks over to me and gently takes my right hand and begins to unbutton the cuff around my wrist.   
“You know, with as much as you flirt with the women of the house, I would have thought you more confident in these endeavors.” He remarks, smiling a bit.   
“Oh, do not take my hesitation as lack of confidence. I was lost in thought is all.” I answer with a bit of laughter in my voice.   
“Hmm.” He hums while taking my other hand and undoing the cuff there. I glance at Elizaveta and she looks away, a blush appearing on her cheeks.   
At this point, Roderich and I are left with only undergarments on (save for my shirt, that was left on) as he leads me to the bed.   
I hold in a sigh as I lay on my back. Roderich straddling me brings my attention to him, I guess this is really happening. He leans down to kiss me but I move my head and he kisses my cheek. He gives me a strange look.   
“Could we save that for another date?” I ask.   
“What is wrong? Why are you acting so timid?”   
“I. . .” Have nothing to say to that. Of course, I could admit to him that I only let one person kiss me and he is clearly not that person. Or, I could pretend like nothing is wrong and just get this over with as soon as possible with as little feelings hurt. “Nothing, it’s alright.”   
He smiles faintly before leaning back down and placing his lips on mine. He is not bad at kissing, just not my type. His lips do not move very much and the feeling isn’t very warm. It’s slow and kind of passionate (at least on his side) and it makes me wonder if he actually may care for me on a romantic level. I wouldn’t doubt that.   
This slow and cool pace is not really doing it for me. I switch our positions and he gasps - I use this opportunity to kiss how I normally do which is kind of messy and harsh. I try my best to imagine him as someone else. It’ll help me get along better if I can do that. But I know deep inside he just isn’t the same.  
Eventually we run into a problem, which would be my obvious lack of excitement. Can not achieve much limp now can we?   
“Are you alright?” He asks.   
“Truth be told I am quite tired. This will happen to me if I am.” This is an absolute lie crafted in an attempt to not hurt his feelings. In truth, this has never happened to me before. Practically anyone can touch me like he is and I’ll react to it, so I have not even an inkling of why my body refuses to go through with this.   
“Where is that fun spot of yours, I’m sure that’ll do the trick.”   
Even though we are married I am not comfortable telling him where that ‘fun spot’ of mine is. Only four other people know of its existence and one of them is dead, so.   
“Here.” I say while moving his hand down my hip and thigh to the back of my knee. Strange place but it could be a lot worse.   
“Ah.” He says while rubbing soft circles into the skin there. My reaction is immediate thank goodness, and seems to make him feel less hurt.   
“Alright, you don’t want to end this before we have started do you?” I ask while pulling his hand away. I can only stand that feeling for so long before. . . well you know. He smirks and I resist the urge to roll my eyes. He shouldn’t feel too accomplished about this, using the back of my knee is cheating. Doesn’t take any skill.   
I look over at Elizaveta while he prepares for the final act of this boring and awkward play. Her face is flushed and her eyes are locked on him. I wonder how this makes her feel? I can’t tell if she is enjoying this or wants to die where she stands. . . I’m going to go with the former to make myself feel better about her standing there. Poor thing.   
Austria’s stamina is decent, probably close to the average, but I am nowhere near close once he has finished. He has to resort to pressing into the back of my knee again which is a torturous way to be brought over the edge, I feel kind of ruined. But, of course, I don’t tell him that. Once all is said and done and Elizaveta has bid us a good night, we drift off. Well, more like he does, I lie awake wondering what the hell I’m doing here. 

[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]

The morning is easier. I wake to an empty bed and sigh in relief. I’m ecstatic that I do not have to confront what happened last night just yet. Honestly, I hope we never talk about it. With ease I stand from the bed and get dressed.   
“Good morning, sir.” Elizaveta says to me as we almost run into one another in the hall.   
“Good morning, Eliza.” She gives a small smile before hurrying off in the opposite direction, never meeting my eyes. I hold in a chuckle and continue on, walking into the largest room in the manor.   
He’s trying too hard. . . Roderich, that is. He’s trying way too hard in this room. In the far right corner sits a quite magnificent white piano. The whole entire right side of the room has large windows that nearly start from the floor and reach up to the ceiling. On the opposite side he has mirrors equally as large to reflect the copious amounts of sunlight the windows let in. This room is always very bright during the day. Beautiful, even. But also hot. And hopelessly trying to recreate the magnificence of the Hall of Mirrors.   
Roderich smiles at me and sits at the piano. I lean on a section of wall not occupied by a window. Almost immediately the room is filled with graceful music.   
I wonder, if he had not been a country, if he would have been some famous composer. Looking out the window before me on the wall I let my mind wander.   
The song he is playing is light but has a melancholy tone to it. Almost like a longing feeling. Wistful. It reminds me of a land northeast from here. Hilly, sandy beaches for as far as the eye can see. Cold water that would chill you to the bone. Deep, dark green forests and snow.   
The music stops.  
“What has you looking so down?” He asks.   
“I’m not down. . . just wistful.”   
“Wistful? About what?” I shrug and muster a warm smile.   
“It was the mood of the song.”   
“Ahh. It was. . . Come over here. Sit next to me.” I wait a couple of seconds before obeying and sitting next to him on the bench. He smiles at me, eyes lighting up, before continuing to play the song. I continue thinking about Prussia.   
I haven’t seen him in a couple months and It’s killing me. I used to see him everyday, all the time, almost constantly. This being apart for months or sometimes a year at a time kills me and renders me so lonely and desperate. I constantly yearn for him, it’s not very attractive. I’m used to being the calm and cool one, all this emotion is just. . . yuck. It almost makes me feel a little crazy. Makes me feel annoying. Which makes me feel even worse about everything.   
Roderich stops playing and puts a gloved hand under my chin and turns my face toward him.   
“I think it’s more than the song that has you down, Wolfgang.” I smile a little and remove his hand from my face.   
“Nothing that concerns you, Austria.” He nods and looks down.   
“Well. . . I received a letter a couple of days ago from Prussia, stating he would be here soon.” I try to keep an unwavering face but I light up for a couple seconds.   
“Really?”   
“Yes. . . I know that it has been a while since any of us have seen him, so he shall be received with warmth. . . but not too much, alright?” Two emotions run through me at the same time from that statement. First, anger, because I am the damn Holy Roman Empire, I do not have to listen to Austria, I can do what I want. Second, and most importantly, guilt. Because I should listen to him. I look away and sigh. “I know how much you care for him, but he is dangerous. I know you don’t particularly like being told what to do, but as your partner in both marriage and empire, I forbid you from getting close to him, in any means.” My jaw tightens and I breathe in slowly. He has a point.   
“Alright. . . You shouldn’t be so worried.” I reassure him. He smiles and tries to kiss me, but I turn my head slightly so he kisses my cheek.

[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]

So far, my staring has gone unnoticed. Not that I’ve been here for a long time, no, maybe only two minutes or so. Roderich has a staff, as one could imagine, to help run his estate. They are all human only slightly privy to what we may be, but definitely understand our importance. I digress. One maid is like us, she is Rome if you will. And that, is who I’m looking at.   
She is sweeping the already perfectly clean floor, dress swaying about gracefully as she does so. She wears her hair long like Elizaveta, and adorns a similar outfit as well.   
I stand up straight from leaning on the wall and start walking toward her. My steps echo a bit and she turns around.   
“Oh, good morning, Holy Rome.” She does a little curtsy and smiles brightly up at me.   
“Good morning my dear.” I take her hand and kiss the top of it, she blushes. I wink at her and continue walking down the corridor.   
I’m the first outside the manor. We are all going to receive Prussia out here and of course my excitement has me early. Though, not long after me Elizaveta walks outside. Her hair is neatly brushed and pinned, face lightly powdered, and dress quite expensive.   
“Wow.” I comment on her appearance. She smiles and rolls her eyes.   
“Roderich said that I should dress like the lady of the house and not a maid.”   
“Mmm, suits you.” She playfully scoffs and smacks my arm.   
“You dog.” I laugh and so does she. After a couple minutes of silence she faces me and asks me, “Are you happy to see him?” I sigh.   
“Truthfully? I am nervous.” She nods and looks forward again.   
“Why?”   
“I know that he has been going through a lot of changes recently. . . And I’m scared that I won’t recognize him anymore.”   
“We all are.” She says quietly.   
The door opens behind us as Roderich steps outside. His eyebrows raise once he notices Elizaveta.   
“Oh my, you look rather nice.” He comments. She smiles and shakes her head.   
We wait outside for about ten more minutes before he finally arrives. All of us are nervous. The ten minutes of waiting felt like ages as we all awkwardly sighed and shifted about. I can not speak for the others but my heart was definitely racing.   
He has three others with him, probably humans, as he walks up the steps. Roderich greets him first.   
“It has been awhile.” He says.   
“It has.” Roderich answers softly. Elizaveta smiles brightly and hugs him with quite a force.   
“Oh my.” He laughs and hugs her back.   
“We missed you so much Gilbert!” She says while pulling back.   
“And I you.”   
He looks at me and I nod to him, he looks away. Elizaveta wraps an arm around his and leads him inside. Roderick gives me a peculiar look before walking back inside. Eventually I follow. They (Austria and Prussia) go into Roderich’s study for a while leaving Eliza and I out of it. I assume they are talking about things that concern Austria and Prussia and not Prussia and the Holy Roman Empire, so I guess there are things even I do not know.   
I decide to go out to the gardens and walk around. I end up laying down amongst some wild edelweiss flowers.   
I’m still nervous. I’m nervous, anxious, sad, excited, regretful, everything basically. The way he looked at me keeps replying in my mind. Blazing red eyes filled with I don’t know what.   
I close my eyes and accidentally drift off.   
.  
Too long. That was the day. Just awfully too long. I’m almost giddy to finally be walking down toward a room with a bed in it. I stop before the door and move to open it but freeze once I hear a strange noise. . . Is that. . . Crying? That I hear?  
My hand leaves the door and I begin searching for the quiet sound. It’s light crying and sniffing but I can still hear it. A lot of the rooms do not have doors, only mine does, so when I finally find it I can just step in.   
It’s the little kingdom. He’s kneeling before his bed in a praying position. Tears are falling down his face. One of the wood panels beneath me creaks and his eyes fly open as he falls backwards.   
“My apologies little one, I did not mean to frighten you.” I say softly. He wipes his eyes and stands then bows to me.   
“I-I’m sorry for crying my lord. I’ll do better.” My face turns sympathetic and I sit on the side of his bed, gesturing for him to do the same. He hesitantly obeys.   
“What has you down child?” I ask.   
“. . . I am weak, my lord. I can not defend myself from the others and. . . They refuse to leave me alone. . . I’m the smallest.” We sit in silence for a few moments before I answer.   
“You may be the smallest, but you are most definitely not the weakest. You have heart, passion, and will power.” I place my hand under his chin and have him face me. “Do you know why I choose you? It could have been anyone in that village, but I choose you specifically because I saw greatness in your future. Your soul radiates with power, do not ever forget that.” He smiles, red eyes set ablaze.   
“Thank you, my lord. I promise that I will work hard to be strong, and fulfill my duty to protect you.” I smile at him.   
.  
I open my eyes and notice the sun going down. I feel so old sometimes, the way I accidently fall asleep. I sit up and run a hand through my hair. I should probably head back to the house. The others might be a little worried. I stand up and stretch my back a bit.   
I physically look about twenty-five but oh my I feel my actual age sometimes.  
I begin walking back but stop when I feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. A feeling in my stomach tells me to get out of here now, but I keep my pace, ignoring the warnings. The sun is all the way down and I can almost see the house. That’s when I heard a few light footsteps, but at that point it was too late to evade the attacker.   
All of a sudden I’m on the ground again, laying flat on my back. I gasp as the air gets knocked out of me.   
“You are losing your awareness, old man.” A deep raspy voice tells me. I open my eyes and find myself staring into red ones.   
“Oh shut it, I knew you were stalking me.”   
“Yeah, sure, you seemed awfully surprised and took the fall horribly.”   
“Is anyone ever used to you taking them down?” He laughs and I smile a bit nervously. His laugh is different now, it's quite loud and unique. Like a hyena.   
“No, I guess not.” He takes my wrists and pins them above me. “I call this a win, yeah?”   
“Over my dead body!” I push him off of me and switch our positions, holding his wrists in place. “I win.” He smiles.   
“I can’t have just one, can I?” I shake my head.   
“Never.” His smile causes the butterflies in my stomach to go wild. I allow my eyes to trail down his body.   
“. . .as your partner in both marriage and empire, I forbid you from getting close to him, in any means.” Roderich’s voice rings in my mind.   
As I’m distracted, Prussia pushes me over again and regains his position over me.   
“You seem distracted by something.” His voice is deep and seductive as he says this. I swallow and look away.   
“A little. . . don’t flatter yourself.” He laughs and puts his hands on my chest.   
“You never gave me a proper greeting, Wolfgang.”   
“He’s dangerous. . .” Again comes Roderich’s voice.   
“Huh, sorry, I was just very happy to see you again.” Prussia sits back on me and I tighten my jaw to stifle a groan.   
“Yeah? Could have fooled me. . . Or is it because you finally said yes to the aristocratic prude?”   
“I-I. . . You know?”   
“Of course I know. He could hardly contain himself, he couldn’t wait to tell me.” I remain speechless. “You could imagine my surprise. . . He always was jealous. And if Roderich has a problem he always solves it with marriage. What better way to keep you out of my hands than to marry you?” He makes a move to get off of me but I grab his hips and hold him in place. The glare I get chills me to the bone.   
“I didn’t have a choice, Prussia. . . Please believe me when I say that. I had no choice. . . I held out as long as I could.”   
“I don’t trust him.”   
“I know you two have not been getting along recently, but he is not a bad man.”   
“It’s not about that, Wolfgang, I don’t trust him to protect you. You and him have made it clear that I am no longer your protector and it fucking kills me inside because no one will be able to keep you safe like I can. He wouldn’t die for you, he’d end you if it meant he could live.”   
I sit up so we can be eye level. There are tears in his eyes and for a moment I see the old Prussia. The one who loved me unwaveringly, the sweet one, the one who wouldn’t harm a soul unless it was to protect me.   
“I don’t want you to die for me, I wouldn’t be able to live without you alive. Without the ability to see you if I really, really wanted to.” I place my hand on his cheek and wipe a tear away.   
The moonlight is doing him wonders, his eyes are practically glowing. I can not help myself. Roderich’s warnings going through my mind are not strong enough to fight the passion I have. Leaning forward I connect or lips and I’m instantly turned to mush. Kissing him is always electric, the effect never fades. He wraps his arms around my neck and I pull him closer.   
I’ve waited too long for this. Much too long.   
He breaks the kiss and looks horrified.   
“I’m sorry. . . You’re married, I can’t. . .”   
“It’s okay, you can’t honestly believe that Roderich is faithful.”   
“Still doesn’t make it right.” I switch our positions so I am once again straddling him.   
“I don’t care what is right. . . If this is wrong, punish me.” He laughs a bit and I smile. “You have no idea how I’ve yearned for you.”   
“Don’t say that to me, you’ll make it harder for me to leave.”   
“Do not leave then.” I offer before leaning down and placing my lips against this neck.   
“You know that I must,” he says in a soft voice, “I refuse to be consumed by Austria.”   
“Would it be so bad?” It leaves me before I can stop it. He pushes me away and that intimidating glare is back on his face.   
“Of course it would, why would you say such a thing to me?. . . Is Austria putting you up to this?”   
“No, not at all, I did not mean it that way. I only said it from a place of desperation it would be easier to be together if you were here is all.” I practically plead.   
“I. . . We should not do this, I should not be here.” He says while standing up. I get up just as quickly and grab his wrist before he can leave.   
“Gilbert-” I try.   
“Wolfgang, stop. I see now that if I am not careful you will be my downfall. . . It’s one thing to die protecting you, another to lose everything I am to Austria only for him to forsake us all.”   
“I swear to you that I would never put you in harm's way. If you leave me I’d be better off dead, I will be destroyed.”   
“You will be destroyed, married to Austria.”   
“I had no choice.” I pull him closer to me, wrapping my arms around his waist as his hands find my chest.   
“We could do the right thing here.” He whispers.   
“I love you.” I say before placing my lips on his. I feel him relax completely in my grip, losing whatever was holding him back. I don’t blame him for being wary, I understand he is worried about Austria gaining too much influence. As much as he wants to protect me it is clear his priorities are slowly changing, from making sure I am stable and protected to gaining power. I don’t blame him for having this shift, hell, I was once like him when I was a younger empire. I just wish I wasn’t caught in their power struggle.   
He breaks the kiss and I take the opportunity to mouth at his neck. I can feel his pulse begin to skyrocket and his body weaken.  
“Anyone can walk upon us at any moment.” He says breathlessly. As much as it pains me to stop we must. I couldn’t imagine the repercussions of being caught like this.   
“Let’s go back to the manor, shall we?” I suggest. He nods in response and I sigh longingly.   
The walk feels almost akin to a walk of shame. We remain silent, how could I say anything? I went directly against Austria’s wishes with hardly any self control. I came off as desperate, needy even, and a slave to my most basic desires. Acting like this is unlike me, but I’d be lying if I said my body wasn’t burning. The manor is empty, the maids have mostly retired and I’m sure Elizaveta, Felicia, and Roderich have as well. Our footsteps echo a bit through the halls as we walk. Eventually we get to the room he is staying in for the time being. He looks up at me and it takes every ounce of self-control I have to not kiss him again.   
“Good night, Wolfgang. It’s nice to see you again.” He says in a somber voice.   
“Good night.” He disappears into the room and I’m left alone in the hall.   
With remarkable haste I rush toward the bedroom Austria and I share, hoping to find him there. As I open the door and close it behind me I notice him in the bed, book in his hands, candle lit.   
“Is everything alright?” He asks, eyebrows furrowing in concern. I don’t answer him, but rather close the distance between us.   
“Hm!” He makes a startled sound at the sudden presence of my lips on his. I push the book off the bed and straddle him, untying the ties on his shirt and removing his belt. He understands a bit better now how to kiss me, rough and desperate like the world is ending. I can tell that my aggressiveness is overwhelming him but I don’t stop. His shuddering gasps and airy moans drive me forward, everything ends just as quickly as I started it.   
“Well, as spontaneous and fun that was I would appreciate a better consideration for clothing.” He says in a shaky voice while brushing his ripped shirt off the bed.   
“I’m sorry.” I manage.   
“It’s quite alright, darling.”   
He blows out the candle and I curl up on my side, facing away from him.   
Like an oppressive force of cavalry strong enough to break any line a feeling of extreme melancholy takes a hold of me. Even with my eyes closed tears escape them, pouring down my cheeks as if they were an endless well. I’m not sure how I will be able to live like this if I can hardly stand one day. I need Prussia so badly it drives me insane, what a cruel world we live in. All I have now are memories. I replay them over and over again in my mind until I drift off. This will be the death of me. 

[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]

“I would like to keep the discussion of politics where it belongs, Austria.” I scold, causing him to drop the subject. As if seeing Prussia around the house but being unable to touch him was bad enough, now Austria insists we cut off trade lines with him. Does he really think I will aid him in destroying Prussia?  
I get off the bed and begin dressing. I look back at Austria and he’s still sitting on the bed, knees against his chest with his arms wrapped around them. He looks so young like that.   
I walk back over to him and put a hand on his cheek. He looks up at me, dark brown eyes large and almost sad.   
“I know that since 1648 you have become a lot less subordinate to me and have even tried to be my equal or more so. I care for you, Austria, and trust you with all my heart but do not try and be anything more than what you are.” I notice his eyes start to tear up and I am genuinely very confused. “Child why are you about to cry?” I ask.   
“I’ve always been second to him in your eyes. . . Is there nothing I can do to prove to you that I am better for you than Prussia?” I lift an eyebrow. . . I’m speechless. “You didn’t even know, did you?” He sighs and looks down.  
“Roderich I. . . Did not know that you felt this way, that is true, but I deeply care for all of you--”  
“You love him.” He says, looking up at me again. “I can see it, it’s obvious to me. . . And I worry so much for you because he has changed. He is not that same sweet kingdom we used to know. That war changed him, Wolfgang. And I am scared of what he will use you for if he gets his hands on you. Do you not see the utter bloodlust in his eyes? They practically burn with the fires of hell, he is bad. Very bad.” My eyebrows furrow.   
“I have no idea what you are talking about.”   
“I know that you are above me, Holy Rome. You are above everyone on this continent. I couldn’t dream to ever take that away from you. . . I just. . . You see him through such a glorious light that you are blinded to what he is becoming. . . Go see him. . . Go to him. . . Spend the whole day with just him and put your bias aside, see him for what he is.”   
I sit next to him on the bed and he rests against my shoulder.   
“Alright.” 

[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]

“He trusts you enough to leave you alone with me now?” Prussia smirks after saying this. I roll my eyes.   
“I do as I please.”   
“Sure.” He laughs. We stop right before the stables so one of the servants can open the doors for us. Prussia’s horse is near the front and he begins petting her head.   
“Strong horse.” I comment.   
“Yeah, she got me through a lot of tough times. . . Faster than the others.” I smile and look over at the collection of guns on the far wall.   
“Which one do you normally use?” I ask while running my hand over a rifle.   
“For? Hunting?”   
“Yeah, sure.”   
“I do not use guns for that. Hunting is the best time for training.” I furrow my eyebrows and turn around to look at him.   
“So, you mean to tell me you fight the deer to death?” He laughs and walks over to me.   
“No, Wolfgang, I have a pack.”   
“A pack?” I ask.  
“Of dogs. I have four of them right now, three beautiful shepherds and a wolf hybrid.” He sits in a wooden chair near the collection and I smile at him.   
“So you use these dogs to hunt for you.”   
“Exactly. It’s good training for them.”  
“Hmm. . . And the hybrid listens to you?” I ask. I had no idea he had an affinity for dogs like that.   
“One look into my eyes and she knew.”   
“Knew what?”   
He stands up and turns me toward him, making me look into his eyes.   
“They practically burn with the fires of hell. . .” Roderich’s voice says to me once more as I stare into them. The red is so vibrant, different shades of ruby, garnet, maroon, fire. They basically flicker. Pupils as black as night, the core surrounded by the intense blaze. I cannot look away, I cannot move, only freeze and stare.   
He slowly starts to smirk at me and the eyes that used to fill me with butterflies fill me with fear.   
“Do you not see the utter bloodlust in his eyes?” Yes Roderich. I see it now. I can almost see all the souls he has taken. He pushes me and laughs. I snap out of it.   
“They consume you, don’t they? Don’t look into them for so long.” I blink a couple of times and look at him sadly.   
“They never used to do that. . .” He turns his attention to the guns on the wall.   
“Are you upset because you can’t look longingly into my eyes anymore?” He’s still smirking.   
“. . . I’ve heard that the eyes act like a window to the soul. . .” I comment softly. He turns and looks at me, all ounce of playfulness gone from his face.   
“And where do they say my soul is now?”   
“the fires of hell” Roderich’s voice again answers for me.   
“What happened to you, Gilbert?”   
“If you were there, you would know.” I look down.   
“I couldn’t be, you know that. . .”   
“Yeah, I know, you were too busy getting cozy with Austria to even notice. Too distracted by him complaining about the land I took from him. Too concerned with how to get it back from me, not caring what it may do to me. . . Who you may drag into it.” The way he said the last part breaks my heart. I step toward him and put a hand on his cheek.   
“I love you, Prussia.” He’s trying to be angry with me I can tell, but those menacing eyes water instead of burn. And the fires and danger and evil subside. And once again I’m left with my Prussia. Not whoever or whatever has been trying to take over him.   
“I-. . . I’ve never fought like that before.” His voice wavers and my heart is breaking. “I’ve lost before, but never like that. . .” I pull him into a tight embrace and he starts crying into me. I had no idea he was affected this much. He always acts so cocky, I had no idea he was hurting like this.   
It reminds me of when he was little and the others would bully him. I comforted him once and realized just how much I cared about him. I used to tell the others to buck up if they cried but not him. I always wanted to make it better. Always.   
He pulls away from me and wipes his eyes.   
“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to cry like that.” I smile at him.   
“It’s alright. . . I’m just happy you are comfortable enough around me to do so.” He rolls his eyes and turns his attention back to the guns, and looks up at the bow.   
“This bow, do you use it?” He asks me.   
“No. I hate bows. Ugly things.” He laughs.   
“Nah, you just hate what usually comes with them.” He says while taking an arrow out of the quiver. “I don’t really like using them, either. . . My aim is shit.”   
He puts the arrow back and keeps examining the wall. All my butterflies that were burned in the fire are coming back. The Prussia I love is still in there, he isn’t lost yet. I walk behind him and wrap my arms around his waist.   
“What are you doing?” He asks.   
“What does it look like?” I say into his neck.   
“Hmm, I thought you were banned from touching me.”   
“I’m the Holy Roman Empire, I can do whatever I want.” I say in between placing kisses on his neck. He pushes back into me and I grab his hips. I’ve waited much too long for this.   
“Is that so?” He says in a quiet voice. I answer him by turning him around and kissing him. He opens his mouth and I explore that familiar cavern, tongues dancing together.   
I begin unbuckling his belt before reaching in between us and caressing his excitement through the clothes I wish were off of him. He breaks the kiss and looks up at me and I see it again. My Prussia. Those shy eyes looking up at me so innocently, the blush across his cheeks, those red and swollen lips slightly parted. He leans against the pony wall and I take the opportunity to kneel down in front of him.   
“I wish you would choose more private places to - oh my god. . .” His sentence falls apart as I drag my tongue from the base to tip before taking him completely into my mouth. I wait until his thighs are trembling and his hand grips my hair, until practically every exhale of air is a moan before stopping.   
I feel like I myself am about to explode as I stand up and turn him around, bending him over the short wall. He gasps at my aggressiveness and flinches when I trail my hand from the back of his thigh up to his lower back.   
Unfortunately, the sound of the latch of the stables opening hits us and we scramble to make ourselves decent.   
“Oh, I thought I would find you two here.” Austria says while walking in. “Prussia, If you don’t mind, I’d like to speak with you once more before you set off.”   
“Of course.” Prussia manages in a weak voice.   
“And Wolfgang, I suggest you start packing for a trip to France. He wants us to be there as we negotiate the terms of the treaty.”   
I nod and watch Prussia walk back out with Austria.  
And again I’m alone.   
This will be the death of me.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I've had this story sitting on my computer for A G E S, so it's nice to finally upload it. Hope you enjoyed!


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